Hacks

Why Being Curious Will Turn Your Writer Self On

Abstract art via the Over App
A curious mind probing for truth may well set your scribbling ass free.
— Mary Karr, The Art of Memoir

Curiosity is an invitation to loosen up and show up: for this moment, this year, this life.

Curiosity courts flow.

Curiosity invites spaciousness and repels constriction.

Curiosity is playful. For craft and story, it's an invitation to the magic "If" to the powerful character development inquiry "Why?"

Curiosity is magical. Synchronicity! Enchantment! Wonder! Possibility!

All these things await when you get curious.


Curiosity is permission

All of my books are filled with things I’m curious about and just need an excuse to go down the rabbit hole with. Instead of feeling like an armchair traveler in the spaces I long to explore, I’m suddenly given permission to go deeper. I’m just doing my job and sometimes that means obsessively reading about reincarnation or learning paramilitary strategies used by the French Resistance.

Being curious for my writing fulfills that part of me that loves efficiency and focus. I get to go really deep, indulge in my obsession of a thing, put on the skin of a character who gets to be an expert in it and not feel like I’m wasting time. Please note: Being curious is never a waste of time. I’m just one of those people that likes a reason to do something. Being curious, whether it’s for your writing or not, is paying attention, and, as Mary Oliver said, “attention is the beginning of devotion.”

Quick:

Write down three things you’re curious about.

Are these things showing up in your work? Why not?!

This is the perfect opportunity to indulge your curiosity - and write it off on your taxes!

I find that when I invite what I’m curious about in my work-in-progress, I create richer characters, stories, and worlds simply because my book is full of things that light me up, turn me on, and flood me with energy.

All of that shows up on the page in tangible and intangible ways. Got a flat character? Give her your obsession and see how interesting she becomes. Boring setting? How about your book takes place in a setting you’re into: radio stations, Budapest, your favorite coffeehouse. Plot going nowhere? I bet if you went down the rabbit hole of what went down on Apollo 13 - like you want to - you might get an idea or two.

 

How Getting Curious Led To My Biggest Book Deals

I was in a writing class where the teacher had a simple prompt: “Write the first chapter of a book where a character has a problem.”

The first thing that popped into my mind was a jinni stuck in a bottle. I wrote the scene - which lead to a fantasy trilogy for HarperCollins, the first of which was Exquisite Captive.

I even took that prompt in a totally different direction when I got curious about a tabloid magazine cover with a reality TV family pictured on its glossy front page. I wondered what it would be like to be on that show and not want to be, but to be a minor given no choice in the matter. This led to my very first book deal, a two-book deal with Macmillan that began with Something Real, a novel about a girl who is stuck on her family’s reality TV show. It also resulted in the PEN Discovery Award and critical acclaim—all because I got curious in a CVS line.

I think I can rest my case that curiosity is a writer’s secret weapon, no?

Curiosity Is Dangerous

You might say that if it were not for Eve’s transgression, humankind would still be abiding in the uncorrupted Garden of Eden. Or, if you relate to the story as I do, you would say something else. You would say that Eve looks awake—curious about everything, at home in her body, and in vibrant communion with nature.
— Elizabeth Lesser, Cassandra Speaks

The oldest stories have told us that curiosity is dangerous, a sin, the ruination of all—and that curiosity began with woman. Ladies, take a bow.

I like how Lesser turns the old tired story about Eve on its head, how she infuses it with truth and throws out the lie those old scribes were scribbling about womenfolk. The great sages all equate paying attention - just another term for curiosity - with being awake, present, enlightened.

So basically, Eve beat Buddha to the punch.

According to myth, the goddess Hera gave Pandora “the most dangerous gift of all, a woman’s curiosity” (Lesser, 36). I say we own that gift, amplify it, use it like it’s our favorite mug or sweatshirt. It is a gift. And it is dangerous - it shakes things up. It creates more space for women in this world and for characters who have questions about the ways things are and ideas about how they could be.

I like dangerous. The best kind of art has a little danger in it: audacity, grit, and swagger on the page, that’s what I like. You don’t get that without being willing to risk one of your nine lives when you sit down to write.

 

Curiosity As Writing Process

I have a way of working with writers to own their process, understand it, and make it work that I call You Have A Process. We get really curious about how they write, what happens when they flow, when they’re stuck, what sparks them and turns them on or off. This is intensive, transformative work that invites the writer to discover how she works best - not how some craft book says she works.

It’s an inherently feminine approach (this is not a binary - we all have the feminine within us). We talk a lot. We go deep. We look at the stories we tell ourselves and have been told. We get specific and then we test it all out in the laboratory of the writing cave, with our books as the experiment.

It’s a highly effective approach to inviting satisfaction into your writing process, to actually finishing your book, to enjoying the process because it is yours and it works.

One writer I worked with discovered that dialogue is her way in. She didn’t know that whenever she got stuck, she always got unstuck by getting her characters talking to each other. So guess how she starts off her writing sessions?

Another writer I work with was frustrated by her process. She hated how meandering it was. How much she had to journal and think out loud to get anywhere. But as soon as we followed her through the seed of an idea to its fruition—using the very process that works for her—she realized her problem wasn’t her process: it was comparing what worked for her to seemingly more productive / efficient ways so many craft books talk about.

Now? She’s jamming on a great book and enjoying her process along the way.

What these two examples have in common is that we got curious. We didn’t impose new structures, rules, strategies. We just looked at what was already working, how the writer works, and what wasn’t feeling great. We came up with tools to help each individual writer access her own inner wisdom, tools that she already knew worked for her when she was stuck or flailing. Then, we worked to help her trust what she knows to be true: she has a process, the process works, and her writing and creative heart are better for trusting it.

Stay tuned for my upcoming course on this, or email me to connect about one-on-one mentorship.

Why The Old Ways Are Making Writers Stuck

·       The culture (predominantly masculine) likes: deadlines, outlines, a plan, a clear product, PROOF. It likes us to hustle for our worth.

·       The feminine (intuitive) likes: SPACIOUSNESS, exploration (not necessarily with a specific end in sight, say, the New World), discovery, synchronicity, enchantment, ease, playfulness, POSSIBILITY.  With the feminine it’s the means, not the ends that our true satisfaction comes from. 

·       When we focus on a masculine approach ONLY, we miss out on the deliciousness of exploration. And the thing is, if we impose ways of writing that don’t work for us, if we force that, we just get more stuck. We dig our own holes. And then we wonder where in hell we got these shovels in the first place.

·       Note: We need integration of the masculine and feminine so that we can enjoy the process and write the stories of our hearts, but also have the discipline to get them out into the world. Having a holistic approach, a dedicated writing practice, and the tools to access your inner wisdom when you get stuck or bombarded by the inner critic will help you get closer to your writing goals…and enjoy the journey along the way.

·       Holding space for the process, listening, acting as a vessel or, as Anne Lamott might say, “the designated typist” is where the real juiciness comes in.

Now might be a good time to ask yourself if you’re forcing a linear, rational, masculine approach when you secretly long for more expansive, open, exploratory work.

Here’s the kicker: when you do things that feel good and intuitive and yummy, you’re actually being more productive, courting flow, and getting the results you’ve been hoping for. Forcing yourself to write in a way that others say is “right” but is wrong for you only results in madness.

Curiosity = Adventure & Access

My curiosity as a writer has given me unprecedented access to people and places I could never had had otherwise.

My upcoming biography of WWII spy Virginia Hall, Code Name Badass, got me security clearance to visit the CIA and access to de-classified intelligence archives in London. My most recent novel, Little Universes, allowed me to get on the phone with one of the nation’s top astrophysicists to talk all things dark matter. What?!

My books have taken me as far as the Moroccan Sahara and as near as my innermost self, as I explore the things I’m confused, saddened, or angered by.

When we engage our curiosity, we allow our books to be our teachers. This is where curiosity gets really interesting. I firmly believe that the books we’re jazzed about at a particular time are there to teach us something. Maybe it’s about ourselves, others, writing, the world—but it’s something. Often a few somethings.

Now might be a good time to ask: How is my book my teacher? Get curious. This will deepen your relationship to the work itself, and invite in unexpected possibilities for story, craft, and process.

A good idea is one that turns you on rather than shuts you off. It keeps generating more ideas and they improve on one another. A bad idea closes doors instead of opening them...Scratching is what you do when you can’t wait for the thunderbolt to hit you.

— Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit

I wrote a whole blog post about Twyla Tharp’s concept of scratching for new ideas. You can check it out here.

There are so many ways to get curious, whether you’ve got no idea, a new idea, or feel stuck.

Curiosity is the key that unlocks flow. It’s the “Drink Me” bottle of writers the world over.

 
“Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
— Rilke
 

Curiosity Gets You Unstuck

A few years ago I found myself adrift. Very Dante: Midway on my life’s journey I found myself in a dark wood, the right road lost.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I didn’t have an idea of what I wanted to write. I was panicking, sitting in a Brooklyn coffeehouse surrounded by writers, all of whom looked very in flow and productive (but, let’s be honest, were probably just on Twitter).

I opened Wikipedia and decided to type in the first thing that came to mind - the thing I was most curious about at the moment: “The Circus.” This led me down a fantastic Wiki hole of circus history, my fascination growing with each click. By the end of that writing session, I had a whole plot for an inter-generational saga about a Russian circus family. It’s a big, ambitious project, one that is on the back burner while I wrap my mind around the enormity of the research (and language barrier) involved. But I can’t wait to write it. I’m so damn CURIOUS.

I call this my Brooklyn Coffeehouse Eureka Moment, and this strategy has served me every time I’m scrounging around for ideas. I bet it will offer up story gold for you, too.


Make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Make. Good. Art.”
— Neil Gaiman
 

Be The Mad Scientist

Curiosity is concerned with questions, not answers. It loves why, why, why. Questions = ENERGY, the more questions, the more energy, the more discovery = the richer your stories are.

When you invoke curiosity, mistakes are welcome. They tell us what’s not working so that we can discover what will work.

Some of the most curious people in the world are scientists. I’d argue they are perhaps the most curious people. We have much to learn from them and how they approach their work.

Scientist:

A science experiment that goes wrong is seen as important data that ultimately furthers research. Scientists know what doesn’t work and they are CURIOUS about why it didn’t work. They “work the problem.” (See the famous scene in Apollo 13 when they realize the astronauts are running out of air. That’s working the problem).

Writer:

A writing experiment that goes wrong often results in the writer hating on themselves. They feel frustration, overwhelm, like they’re behind. They aren’t curious about why something didn’t work, they’re focused on the next thing they think will work, and focused on beating themselves up. THEY DON’T WORK THE PROBLEM. So the problem just gets bigger.

How To Work The Problem When You’re Stuck On Your Story

A Few Journal Prompts

o   How do you get curious as a writer? (Research? Collage? Sidewriting? Tarot?). These are tools to draw from when you’re stuck.

o   How do you experiment as a writer? Or do you play it waaaaay too safe?

o   Go down the rabbit hole of your story / thing you’re curious about – what do you find there?

o   What do you do with what you find?

o   When do you notice yourself feeling panicky and overwhelmed, like the book is taking too much time, that you’re wasting time, etc.? What do you do when this happens? What could you do instead?


Curiosity Improves Story & Craft

Curiosity = Story Gold

When you follow what YOU are curious about, rather than looking at the market or trying to impose a story on yourself, you will discover something that is fresh, intensely yours, addictive, and DELICIOUS. That’s a book that’s hard to NOT write and one a reader will find difficult to put down.

I have much to say about how approaching your work-in-progress with curiosity will have a tangible effect on the page - and if you become a newsletter subscriber and snag my Unlock Your Novel workbook, you’ll begin getting wildly curious about your characters and creating emotionally resonant plots as a result.

 

Curiosity As Inner Work = Mindfulness For Writers

Often when we get stuck it’s because we’ve stopped being curious. We’ve become Serious Writers Who Have Outlines and Plans Dammit.

This stuckness can result in a dry well, a creative desert. The way out? Curiosity, of course. Just like Alice, you have to escape what’s dragging you down by sliding down that old rabbit hole.

Rather than jump into shame, problem-solving, guilt, etc. when encountering fear, the inner critic, failure, overwhelm, and other creativity gremlins, we can get curious about what’s going on with our creative lurches and stumbles – this is a much more skillfull, workable approach then many of the ones we commonly reach for.

o   Step One: Get into the body. What does it feel like, this constriction. Get to know this feeling. It will be your red flag when you are going off the rails, a reminder to invite some gentle, mindful curiosity into the situation.

The R.A.I.N meditation method will help greatly with this.

o   Step Two: What information are you gathering? “What’s the next right thing?” Go do that.



Curiouser and curiouser....

 
 

Your Relationship To Curiosity : Word Contemplation Practice

Read through this short contemplation, then close your eyes and work through it. Alternatively, you can grab a journal and begin engaging in some free association with the word CURIOUS - mindmapping, doodling, random notes…all is welcome.

  • Think of the last time, or a particularly vivid moment, when you felt / experienced CURIOSITY. It doesn’t have to be related to writing, though it could be.

  • Bring the fullness of this memory to mind in as vivid detail as possible. Picture yourself in the space, using all five senses. Really arrive there.

  • When you’re ready let the background of the memory fade and home in on the physical sensations of your body in this moment of curiosity.

  • What does curiosity physically feel like in the body? Do you experience a quickening, a rise in body temperature? What’s happening in your chest or the tips of your fingers? Listen to your body.

  • While still holding your attention on the body, take a look at your mind. What quality of mind does curiosity cultivate within you? Do you feel bright, manic, muddled, whirling, peaceful?

  • Make these feelings and images as vivid and specific as possible. You are encoding, like a kind of muscle memory, what curiosity feels like for you.

  • Now, let all those images fade and take a moment to sit with what it feels like to be CURIOUS with your eyes closed. If you’ve been journaling, then set that aside, close your eyes, and just feel the sensations in your body, not attaching any stories or images. Just feel into curiosity.

When you’re ready, jot down insights, impressions, and questions in your notebook or journal.

You may notice that the same sensations you feel when you’re curious are similar to the ones you feel when you’re in flow.

Coincidence? I think not.


In this month’s Well Gathering, we got into all things CURIOUS, as it’s my guiding word of the month for January (and one of my two words for 2021 - the other is SOURCE).

You can snag the workshop recording, First Line Workout worksheet (one my absolute favorites!), and lecture notes on my newsletter subscriber portal. Not a subscriber? Become one here.


See you down the rabbit hole….

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Let It R.A.I.N

 
 

This past Sunday, the writers I was on a call with finally let the tears fall.

After weeks of being in quarantine during a global pandemic, they finally had a TOOL to work with the emotions they were carrying. I led them through the R.A.I.N meditation, which is an incredibly effective and healthy way for dealing with emotion.

I say “meditation,” but it’s really a mindfulness tool that can be done in real time, when you’re activated in some way - distressed, anxious, sad, or feeling any feeling at all.

 

The R.A.I.N Method

R = Recognize (I’m having a feeling)

A = Allow (I’m going to let myself feel this feeling, rather than compartmentalize or push it away or distract myself from it. Even if this feeling is unpleasant, I’m going to sit with it and feel it).

I = Investigate (I’m going to get curious about what this feeling physically feels like. Where do I feel it in my body? What does sadness or fear or anger or peace physically feel like? I’m going to just sit and investigate the physical sensation of the feeling. I’m not going to attach a story line to it (why I feel it or how I shoudld feel about feeling it or who I want to blame for me feeling it).

N= Nurture (After I’ve felt the feeling - and by now, it probably holds less intensity and heat because I’ve born witness to it and let it play out - I’m going to give myself a little love. Maybe I put my hand on my heart and say, “You are enough. You’re okay. Good job being human.” Or I’m going to do some lovingkindness for myself (“May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be safe. May I be in flow.”)

This is a great practice to do on the spot or on the cushion. We explored how it felt to be writers during this time, wanting to write, but maybe not having a lot of bandwidth for that. We shared our experiences, and I offered some thoughts and suggestions.

The key is that we need to let ourselves feel what we’re feeling so we can give voice to that on the page.

Being present with what we’re feeling right now is how we hold space for the world’s feelings too. We have to be in it so that we can later articulate this collective experience with specificity and meet the world’s needs for our words.

It’s good for the world for a writer to bear witness, and it’s good for the writer, too. Especially if she can bear witness with love and humor and, despite it all, some fondness for the world, just as it is manifesting, warts and all.


All of this is to say: there’s still work to be done, and now more than ever.
— George Saunders in a letter to his students during the pandemic

One of the questions that we dug into was from a writer on the call who asked:

“If I can’t write my novel right now, should I write anything that’s coming up?”

I suggested they check out George Saunders’ letter to his students in the face of the pandemic, which was absolute word medicine to me. I also mentioned he did an interview about it on Cheryl Strayed’s new podcast for writers, Sugar Calling.

George’s letter was a great answer to this question, but we got into some practical tips:

  • Journal - Jot down feelings, impressions, word lists, whatever you want

  • Bear witness to what’s happening because in the aftermath of this, it’s us writers who will be on the front lines, helping a world that is shell-shocked and confused.

  • Write emails or letters - the epistolary form is great for flow! Save them all or take pictures of anything you mail out.

  • I suggested doing some fun things like flash fiction (I like to copy Erin Morgenstern’s prompt for her Flax Golden tales).

“What are some tips for being on screen all day, then having to go and write on a screen? I’m burned out!”

My suggestions for this are:

  • Create transitions between screen time events and especially between not writing and writing. I like to use meditation or stretching or a walk as a transition so that when I sit down to write, I’m fresh and more expansive.

  • Rituals are helpful too: Ring a bell before you write. Draw a tarot card. Read a poem. Say a prayer. Something that makes THIS time on the computer sacred.

  • Write in a different place than you do your other work. (If possible). Or at least clear other work from the space when you’re writing.

  • Try using a notebook more for note taking and side writing.

  • To save your eyes, I recommend the free f.lux blue light app. I have it on my computer and it’s a lifesaver.

  • Disable Internet. Use the laptop just for writing when it’s writing time.

The most widely recognized teacher of this method is Tara Brach, though the method was conceived by mindfulness teacher Michele McDonald. Brach is a meditation teacher and trauma therapist who has also written one of my favorite “dharma” (Buddhism) books - Radical Acceptance. She has a slew of resources on RAIN, which you can access here.

For a writer’s bent on the practice, you can listen to my RAIN meditation for writers on Insight Timer.

Really, at the end of the day, writing is about intention + devotion. Put those two together and you’ll be right as R.A.I.N.

I’m rooting for all of you!

 
 

Suggested Reading

Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach)

Burnout (Emily & Amelia Nagoski)

The Monkey is the Messenger (Ralph De La Rosa)

Tea and Cake with Demons (Adreanna Limbach)

Eff This! Meditation (Liza Kindred)

The No Guilt Club

 
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I had no idea I was presiding over the first meeting of the No Guilt Club last Sunday until someone spontaneously announced that we writers in quarantine need a No Guilt Club. There was a resounding “aye!” from the group, made up of callers in this past Sunday’s Live Q + A for writers during COVID19. You can listen to the whole thing below, or check out the highlights in this post, which include a few useful practices you can do on the spot to help with the challenges of writing during social distancing.

What were we deciding not to feel guilty about while stuck at home and dealing with a global pandemic?

  • No guilt over not writing. We’re moving to what feels like YES, YUM, ZING! What feels warm. Joyful. Nourishing. Needed. We’re moving away from “should.”

  • No guilt over not using this supposedly extra time to write the Great American Whatever. You might have time, but that doesn’t equal creative bandwidth, not with everything you’re dealing with emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally.

  • No guilt over choosing what gives us joy over what doesn’t (especially if writing falls under “doesn’t”). Maybe you just want to journal. Or color. Or bake. Or binge watch something trashy that you normally never allow yourself to waste time on.

  • No guilt over our words not being the “right” words for this time. Writing the silly thing. The funny thing. The less-than-perfect essay.

  • No guilt over changing our plans and moving the goal post further out. It’s not a great time to be sending work out on sub. It’s not a good time to expect a novel to get finished, unless that feels nourishing to you.

  • No guilt over doing lazy things.

  • No guilt over playing. With words, with food, with time.

We all agreed that this was an especially good time for journaling. See the Inspiration Portal for some great journaling exercises that you can download and work with right now.

We also talked about a simple gratitude practice for writers.

Gratitude For Your Writing

Whether you’re writing a ton or not at all, a way to re-establish yoru connection to your writing is to simply be grateful for it. I recommend writing a short list or reflecting on reasons you are grateful for your writing, your creativity, your imagination. These are amazing tools to have that so many do not. You are one of the lucky ones: you carry this medicine inside you all the time.

You can incorporate this practice into your daily writing routine to give it more structure (by the way, structure is a key component of building and sustaining a flourishing writing practice).

  • What are you grateful for? The ability to imagine a better world, the stories you can think about and write in order to escape for a bit? The way writing helps you make sense of the world?

Gratitude is a game changer - I’m sure you’ve read some of the research. It’s quite the self-development trend right now, but it’s popular because it works. People are beginning to see how much simply practicing gratitude can create massive mindset shifts. So even if you’re blocked, I bet you can be grateful for your imagination, your creative spark, or just story in general. This re-establishes or affirms your relationship to your creativity. Don’t take it for granted. Give your writing some love and it will love you back.

Speaking of love….

Lovingkindness Meditation Practice For Writers

In an effort to focus on feeling nourished, we practiced some lovingkindness meditation with phrases specifically suited to our coounity. You can do the whole practice here, guided by me. These are the phrases we worked with:

  • May I / we be happy.

  • May I / we be healthy.

  • May I / we be inspired.

  • May I / we be in flow.

We first repeated the phrases to ourselves, then widened it out to all writers on the planet, struggling as we are to keep the flame of our creativity burning during the COVID19 epidemic. This sense of being part of a community while also first giving love to ourselves is a good exercise in maintaining that balance we have as writers too: love for ourselves, our work, and the readers who interact with it.

One thing I mentioned was that, in addition to tools like gratitude and meditation, we can’t forget that for writers:

Writing is self-care. Writing is wellness.

Journaling, poetry, word play - all of this can be viewed as a mental health practice.

So no guilt when you shut the door or turn off you phone and write when your family is asking for more, more, more from you. You’re a member of the No Guilt Club now, remember?

What is the point of writing right now?

The call circled around many different things, but at the end of the day, the kicker was really this question:

“What is the point of writing right now?”

I answered with the words of Harold Thurman:

“Do not ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

If you’re struggling with feelings of pointlessness, like your words don’t matter, your stories don’t matter, your thoughts or opinions don’t matter, remember: you’ve got an invitation right here, right now, to the No Guilt Club. No guilt over what lights you up. And if that thing isn’t writing right now, rest assured that it is feeding your writing in ways you can’t yet possibly know.

  • What lights you up? Do that.

Curiosity is the key to Flow. Go down whatever rabbit holes you fancy. There’s usually a story once you hit the bottom.

Hang in there, friends-

How To Guard Your Solitude

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...the highest task of a bond between two people [is] that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other...
— Rilke


I wanted to pop in with a few helpful hints I've been sharing more than ever with the writers I work with, many of whom are struggling to maintain focus and boundaries around their creativity during this time of social distancing. Writing is hard in the best of times. During a global pandemic rife with fear and uncertainty, it can feel downright impossible.


Don’t worry if right now you feel like you can’t stand guard over your own solitude. That’s why I’m here. It’s my raison d’être as a writing coach and mindfulness mentor. Through my practices, tools, and gentle prodding, my hope is that, together, we can help you build a sustainable and flourishing writing practice that works for you NO MATTER WHAT. In sickness and in health.

Permission Slip


First, I want to say this, in case you need to hear it: It’s okay to take a break from writing if that’s what feels most nourishing to you right now. I don’t know about you, but I want my writing to be the harbor, not the storm. If writing feels like a drag right now, if it doesn’t help you feel safer and more grounded and more centered during this time…then why would you do that? Why would you do anything that adds to your psychic or emotional pain right now?



Writing As Harbor, As Lighthouse, As Sanctuary


If writing is the thing that keeps you sane, if it’s the lens through which you view the world (and thus make sense of these unprecedented times), if it’s what makes you you, and if it lights and fills you up (even when it drives you nuts), then you must write. For your health. For the health of those near you. For the health of our planet’s future.


And yet, writing might feel harder than ever before, what with the world being so topsy turvy.


Even if you don't suddenly have a full house to contend with (or, as one writer mentioned on Twitter, neighbors who are DJs that have decided to turn their apartments into a club) or other major upheavals, simply trying to maintain focus when everything has suddenly become so uncertain can be an enormous barrier to getting your work done. You might even be wondering what the point of writing is anyway.


There can also be sudden and strange expectations you place on yourself, perhaps to make the most of the extra time home. Some writers are beating themselves up, creating unrealistic expectations, convinced that if they don't finish their novels by the end of the quarantine period they would have "wasted" this time. Others are being challenged by a lack of focus and motivations, or placing themselves at their loved ones' beck and call, lacking any healthy boundaries. Others are struggling with mental health: increased anxiety and bouts of depression. There's a lot to juggle internally and externally--not to even mention maintaining health, security, and your standard of living.

Here are a few ways to work with your relationship to your writing during this time: 


Guard Your Solitude--And Enlist Your Loved Ones To Do The Same

I love this quote by Rilke:


“...the highest task of a bond between two people [is] that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other...”

If you have a partner or roommate at home, sit them down and let them know what you need.
Perhaps you're an introvert who feels drained with too much socialization. And, of course, you need writing time. Schedule your solitude. Create signals that everyone knows that show you shouldn't be bothered unless someone's bleeding or the house is on fire. I have a doorknob sign I bought at Graceland with Elvis's logo: "TCB" - taking care of business.  I put that there when I'm meditating and when I'm in the zone with writing. I created a Do Not Disturb doorknob sign for you in my free Flow Lab Sneak Peak download.

Set Boundaries Around Your Creativity (And Schedule It In)



Here’s a whole article I wrote with ways you can set boundaries around your creativity (with others and yourself!). It goes into all the ways to sustain a healthy writing practice. 

My husband and I enjoy walks together, but now that he's home, I still take a solo walk when I feel like it. The loss of this solitude would be harmful to my creativity and mental health. I need time alone. Lots of it. My husband is a massive extrovert. We're lucky that we've had a lot of practice with this dance, having just come off a year of international housesitting together. Because he’s a writer, too, and a meditator, we’re basically the Swiss Guard over each other's solitude. It's one of the things I value and appreciate most in my life.

Digital Boundaries

I've also worked hard over the years to set boundaries with tech.

I keep my phone on airplane mode while I'm writing - and not even in my writing space, as a lot of research has shown that even the presence of a phone is distracting.

To that end, I don't have news  or social media notifications on my phone.

I set an alarm for the one or two times a day I intend to post on social (more now, though, which I have to be very intentional about - it's easy to fall down the rabbit hole).

Inever answer my phone when it rings - I let it go to voicemail and call back when I'm not writing. I make sure that I budget the time, too--I know who the chatty Cathies in my circle are. These are just a few of the ways I've set my own boundaries - and it certainly works. Though these methods are arguably easier for someone without children than for someone without, all too often I see writers with kids make the mistake of using that excuse as a blanket reason for why you "can't write." There are far too many prolific writers with kiddos to offer up as evidence to the contrary. (Obviously we hold space when you don't have a partner's support, health issues, massive financial strain, elderly parents, etc. But if you add up all the time you spend on your phone or unnecessarily checking email or bingeing Netflix, we can likely agree there are pockets of time to write). 

Not everyone has had the chance to test run the quarantine life or have years of setting boundaries, though. There may be a lot of tension at home right now. Think about what you need. What the fair expectations are. Then communicate that. And take good care of yourself while you're at it. 



Mindful Social Media



Recognize that when you go down the social media rabbit hole, that's really valuable time away from writing. Be intentional and only check at certain times of the day. Turn of notifications. Keep the TV off. Have a healthy relationship to texting and calling. Of course you want to be in touch with your loved ones and you want to be safe, healthy, and aware. Recognize when you're using social media as a way to procrastinate or have fallen into a kind of habit energy. Keep a sense of whether or not you're sliding into an unhealthy, addictive relationship with your tech and the Web. 


Straight Spine, Open Heart


In meditation we talk about posture as a straight spine with an open front. In your relationship to yourself and others, consider ways you can have a straight spine (healthy boundaries and personal discipline, mindfulness, and intentionality) and an open heart (recognizing how tough it is for everyone - and you - right now, and finding ways to be loving and kind and compassionate....while also holding your personal line).

For those of you who are in caregiving roles, it can be all too easy to be zapped of every second of personal time and space. Be aware of feelings of guilt or of allowing other people's drama to become yours. Be there for your loved ones and recognize that of course more is expected of all of us now. But you can love them and still say no. You don't have to answer the phone every time it rings. You don't have to text back immediately. 

My advice is to have a conversation with those you are closest to, the ones who will expect your time and energy. Set your boundaries, give them some love, then hold the line. 

PSA: You will have needy friends and family members who are not writers and so have much more time to call and text you. They'll want to worry out loud. They'll want to share the latest thing they saw about the virus on Twitter. Community and connection are vital more than ever before and so OF COURSE you want to keep connecting. But. Be mindful of the time suck involved. Be mindful of when someone is just bored and dialing you up compared to when they actually need help and are in crisis. Get intentional about family/friend check-ins: Are there specific times you can jump on the phone? Could you do Zoom lunch dates? Only check and respond to texts at certain times of the day?

My Homebound Resources



I created a page on my website for writers on my website. 

Here you’ll find:

The link for the free weekly Zoom calls (as well as recording of past calls) that I’m doing for the first four weeks of social distancing.

The Flow Lab sneak peek download, which includes a writing sign-in sheet for your writing cave and a Do Not Disturb doorknob sign, as well as my best practices for setting boundaries around your creativity so you can have a sustainable and flourishing writing practice.

Helpful blog posts for mindful ways to be in relationship to your creativity, especially now.

Q & A dialogue with tips for writing during social distancing.

A few helpful meditations that you can download and begin working with right now.


I’ve been digging this Norwegian proverb, which is wonderfully mindful and some serious real talk:


“Either it will be okay, or it will pass.”



Hold fast, camerados.

 

Here's How To Write During Plague Season

 
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Whatever your circumstances during the COVID-19 scare, I have a hunch you really want to write during this period of social distancing and global uncertainty.

Of course you do. Words have always been your harbor in the storm, the thing you turned to when you were hurting or confused or wanted escape. Your writing gets you. But, like any relationship, you'll have to figure out how much time you can spend together when the world is more topsy turvy than ever. Imagine writing during the Blitz. (Keep Calm and Carry On).



Some of the writers I work with are despairing - how to concentrate when this is all going on?! They can't put their phones down. Stop texting. Stop worrying. Or they're challenged by people who are home that don't respect writing and privacy. They are kinda sort of a lot losing their minds...already. Does writing even matter now? Or they're on the other end of the spectrum, pressuring themselves to use this time wisely, not waste it, write the great American novel - and quickly learn one's Inner Critic doesn't give two figs about social distancing.



I...have a plan for that. 



Below are a few offerings I've put together so that your writing can be a good friend to you during this crisis.

  • I'll be offering free weekly Zoom Q & A drop-ins every Sunday at 2:00PM EST. Come with questions and frustrations and wins and losses. I'll email the links each Saturday to my newsletter list, so if you’re not on the list, do pop on. (A little extra email this month, usually just a couple a month...can't be helped.)

  • I've created a sneak peek to the Flow Lab, which you can download below right now. This includes a Do Not Disturb door sign, a writing sign-in sheet (you'll see), and my best practices for building and sustaining your daily writing practice NO MATTER WHAT. The full 30-Day Flow Lab is available on March 28, 2020 for newsletter subscribers.

  • My site now has a Homebound Resources page - lots there for you.

    The best writing comes out of the tough stuff. I firmly believe that.

    Click below to get your PDF download of the Flow Lab sneak peek.


 
 

Write In The Slow Lane

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Above is a picture of me in Lyon, France, taking it slow, enjoying the moment. See that look of utter contentment on my lady face? It's not just from the delicious meal or the wine or France, or even the company (my beloved). That is my face when I give myself permission to just BE. To relax. To take a freaking knee. And until pretty recently, that wasn't happening on the regular. If you read nothing else in this post read this:

You need to be taking a sabbath once a week.

One of my new big commitments to myself is to take Saturdays off. Every week. No email. No errands. No chores. No phone. No appointments. Nothing scheduled at all, even if it's fun. No clocks. No fucks given.


NO WRITING. (Even if I'm on deadline. Seriously. NO WRITING. And the world still turns...)



On Saturdays I bask. I read books I want to, not ones I "should." I wander around my house and look at things that strike my curiosity - a photo book on Patti Smith that is always just decoration, the way the light slants through the trees in the back yard. I read poems and take walks and I don't cook unless it sounds fun, which it only is if I'm making soup.


What this has done in just a few weeks has been nothing short of astonishing. New book ideas come to me. I have a deeper connection to my creativity. I laugh more - not just on Saturdays but ALL THE DAYS. I am more mindful, catching myself during the week when I'm revving (multi-tasking, getting in that near-manic place of crossing things off lists and non-stop doing).


The best thing is that I have this delicious treat to look forward to every week, which is a balm on the hard days. I know it's there, waiting for me like a promise. I've been talking to my clients about this more and more: How can we unearth some delight? How can we give ourselves permission to really fill the well by doing absolutely nothing? How can we stop feeling guilty for just allowing ourselves to be alive and to wonder and muse and lollygag?

Mark me, friends: Your creativity needs this. And it will suffer without it.



I'm getting huge creative dividends from this combination of mindfulness, creativity exercises, and the deep inner work required of anyone who wants to write anything worth reading - I hope you are all benefitting from the Rough Draft and the meditations, too.


When you're ready to get back out there after your sabbath, you can check out my piece on how to set boundaries around your creativity.

One of the things these sabbaths have clarified for me is who I want to work with in my coaching. While I love writers of all stripes, the ones I'm drawn to working with the most are the ones who feel a deep yearning to flourish in their creativity, but just can't seem to figure it out.

If you're curious about this work, you can head over to my brand new coaching FAQ to learn more.

In the March 2020 Rough Draft, we're getting into ways you can write in the slow lane. Where are you pushing yourself too hard? How can you slow down? What would be a delicious way to bask and loll and delight in your creative self? We've got a writing exercise that Erin Morgenstern (The Night Circus) uses too. This one’s all about filling the well and being good to your writer self. Finding inner quiet. Yum, right?

You can access all archived Rough Drafts now on the Inspiration Portal, so even if you’re catching this post well beyond March 2020, I’ve got you covered. (Newsletter subscribers have the password to portal. Not a newsletter subscriber? We can fix that.)

 
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Cheryl Strayed recently gave this piece of advice to writers, via an interview on the Beautiful Writers podcast: "Write in the slow lane." Spring is a great time to explore slowing down after all the intention setting and holiday recovery that happens in the early part of the year. It's a time to feel the bliss of rain on your face, to reach for the sun, to stretch deep into the earth and bloom.

Who's with me?

3 Ways To Set Boundaries Around Your Creativity

 
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If you’re someone who does creative work, unless it’s bringing in a reasonable paycheck, you probably treat it like a hobby. Is it really a big deal if you didn’t write today? Your family needed clean laundry. So what if you didn’t paint this afternoon? Your sister called to vent about another crisis at her corporate job. Sure, you wish you could have gone outside and shot some photographs while the light was fantastic, but your kids were fighting and you needed to intervene.

We hear a lot about setting boundaries — in families, in friendships, and in the workplace. So what makes us think we can neglect them when it comes to our creative time? We often devalue any work that doesn’t earn an income, and what’s more, we assume talent is all that creative work demands. “The one thing creative souls around the world have in common is that they all have to practice to maintain their skills,” writes choreographer Twyla Tharp in her book The Creative Habit. “Art is a vast democracy of habit.”

If you set and hold healthy boundaries around your creativity, you’ll be growing the conditions for your best art to bloom. Here are three ways to establish perimeters that work for you.

Schedule your creativity and make it nonnegotiable

You wouldn’t cancel an important doctor’s appointment because you just weren’t feeling it and your best friend invited you to coffee, right? Make your creative time nonnegotiable, meaning not up for discussion. You schedule time, you turn down invites, you reserve the room (read: the kids don’t get the den to play in for the time you need to be in there to work), you hire the sitter. And then you hold the line. You do not cancel this date with the muse for any reason unless you are on your deathbed, the house is on fire, or your city has been attacked by extraterrestrial terrorists.

You may be surprised to find that the person who breaches your boundaries the most is… you. When you make your creative time nonnegotiable, you stop bargaining with the part of your brain that would much rather binge watch Peaky Blinders or get a quick dopamine hit from knocking a few items off the to-do list. In a recent Tim Ferris interview, writer Neil Gaiman says that when he’s writing, he’s allowed to do two things: write or stare out the window. No matter how difficult the writing is, eventually, he says, staring out the window gets to be boring. So he writes.

Your action item: Look at your schedule and find all the possible pockets of time for your creativity. If you have a partner, roommate, kids, or anyone who might push up against this boundary, let them know this is your creative time and that it’s nonnegotiable. Find someone to hold you accountable. A fellow creative or your bossy friend will ensure you keep your promises to yourself.

Reframe the word “no”

As a writing coach, I often work with people who are struggling to prioritize their creative work over doing dishes, running errands, or returning emails. If I had a nickel for every time I heard one of my clients say they’d frittered away writing time because they “feel guilty,” I’d own an island. The reasons for the guilt vary, but it always comes down to this: They’ve put others’ needs above their own. In these cases, we reframe the situation. What if saying “no” to someone (or something) isn’t a negative? What if this “no” is actually a “yes” — to your vibrant, flourishing, life-giving creative force?

To stand your best chance of forming a lifelong creative habit, Tharp suggests building a metaphorical bubble around yourself — and then staying in it. “Being in the bubble does not have to mean exiling yourself from people and the world,” she writes. “It is more a state of mind, a willingness to subtract anything that disconnects you from your work.”

The more you respect your bubble, the more others will, too. If you’re quick to give in every time someone knocks on your home office door, or say “yes” every time you’re invited to a spontaneous dinner, you’re telegraphing that you’re not, in fact, very serious about your creativity — so why should they be?

Your action item: Write down what your creative bubble might look like. Then list all the unhelpful habits keeping you from living in it. (Pro tip: See how much screen time you’re logging on your phone). In getting rid of those habits, don’t think of it as depriving yourself, but rather saying “yes” to possibility.

Get resourceful about overcoming obstacles

It’s all too easy to give up when the conditions for creativity aren’t ideal. But unless you’re constantly on an idyllic retreat in the woods, they never will be. Here are some creative ways to overcome the obstacles of life:

  • One writer I work with is a mom who does her writing at all the grocery stores and local gyms that offer free childcare while customers shop or work out. Genius, right?

  • Another client swaps creative time with her partner, watching the kids while he works on his music so that he’ll watch them when she works on her novel.

  • Many of my clients bring their laptops to their cars and work while waiting for school pickups and other obligations.

  • When I needed to get out of living in chaotic, loud, expensive NYC, but didn’t know where I’d go, I embarked on a nearly year-long housesitting adventure, writing my novels in beautiful locations all over the world — and only paying for the airfare to get to those places.

Your action item: Consider: What resources are available to you that you’re not utilizing? Who can become a co-conspirator? Are you wasting your commute? (Subways are great places to write!) Is there a little-used conference room at work you can sneak into to fine-tune your sketches after hours? It’s time to get imagining so that you can get creating.

*This post was originally published in Medium’s Forge publication.